Roses Are Red, Violets Are Stop
by Thunderstorm Thoughts
Summary: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Sollux asked. "No, but I scraped my knees when I crawled up from hell." Karkat replied. Kinda fluffy story with various pairings and pick-up lines. Rated T for swearing, oneshot.


**AN: Here, have some shitty pickup lines.**

**Pairings (In Order): JohnDave, SolKat, JadeNepeta, a little bit of RoseKanaya, DaveKat, JohnKat, and TereziVriska, sort of.**

**-JohnDave-**

_yo_

John scrambled for his phone, the horrid ringtone reaching his ears.

"BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN EV'RYWHERE!"

He blamed Dave for that.

_yeah?_

_do you have a map?_

_dave._

_because_

_dave no._

_i keep getting lost in your eyes._

_dammit._

_love you._

_love you too._

John sighed, hugging his phone to his chest.

**-SolKat-**

"Hey Karkat?" Sollux asked, playing with his matesprit's fingers.

"Yeah?"

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"No, but I scraped my knees when I crawled up from hell." Karkat replied, earning him a laugh. That joke had become their thing, like "Okay" from The Fault In Our… nope, not going down that road of sadness.

Sollux snuggled deeper against Karkat's back, and sighed contently into his neck.

"Flushed for you."

"You too."

**-JadeNepeta- **

These were the best days. Jade and Nepeta would sit on opposite ends of Jade's bed, shooting bad pickup lines at each other like mad. It would always end in giggle fits, of course. Nepeta took another bite of her pizza.

"Something's wrong with my cell phone," she said, and stopped for dramatic affect. "It doesn't have your number on it." Jade snorted.

"Your legs must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all night." She countered.

"Do mew have a bandaid? I scraped my knees falling for mew."

"Your dad must be a baker, because you have a nice set of buns." Sent them into another laughing spree.

"Wait, I've got the perfect one for Kanaya!" Jade exclaimed, and got out her phone to text it to  
Rose.

**-Meanwhile-**

"Do you mind if I get this?" Rose asked, jabbing her thumb at her phone. Kanaya nodded, and she read the text quickly before turning to Kanaya again.

"Jade wanted me to tell you that she found our perfect pickup line. It says "I was looking at a light bulb today and it made me think of you and how you light up my world." She said, and Kanaya laughed softly.

**-Back to the future-**

"So where were we?" Jade asked, looking sadly at the empty pizza box.

"I'd say about here." Nepeta said, and kissed her softly on the cheek. Jade blushed and stammered for a minute before regaining her composure.

"If that means you like me, then I like you too." She said, careful of her words. Nepeta pounced at her, knocking her over with a tackle hug.

"Of course I like mew, silly! It is pretty obvious, even Equius found out!" She said happily.

**-DaveKat-**

This meteor was definitely getting annoying. At least when Sollux was there, he wasn't going insane with stupidity. The first month, he had spent all of his free time watching reruns of his movies and crying. Then, Dave came along and screwed up his relationship with Terezi _even more,_ as if that was possible. Then Terezi killed the spiderbitch and became withdrawn, and Dave had given up. And started flirting with him.

He used the cheesiest pickup lines. Things like "Are you sure you're not an alien? Because you've just abducted my heart." Which is ridiculous, because yes, he _is _an alien, get it through your think pan.

"Knock knock, motherfucker." Speak of the fucking devil. Karkat set aside his husktop with a sigh, and opened the door before Dave opened it himself.

Dave looked the same as ever. That is to say, fucking irresistibly hot. His hair was even more anime-ish than usual (He had the pleasure of Dave forcing him through an ass-load of anime), and he still had his goddamn poker face. He was slim, but still had muscles, and his shirt clung perfectly to them. Karkat briefly wondered what it looked like underneath… nope. Not thinking about that. Abso-fucking-lutely not.

"Like what you see?" Dave asked with a smirk, swaying his hips a bit. Damn, was he really staring that long?

"I was _not _staring at your pathetic body, Strider." Karkat growled.

"Your blush is telling me otherwise." Dave said.

"YOU ARE INFURIATING!" Karkat shouted.

"You're so cute when you're mad!" Dave said, watching Karkat with amusment.

"I AM DONE! I AM SO DONE WITH YOU! YOU KEEP FLIRTING WITH ME, AND I _KNOW_ IT'S JUST PART OF YOUR IRONIC ACT, BUT! AGH! I'M FLUSHED FOR YOU! YOU AND YOUR STUPID HAIR AND SHADES AND LAUGHING AT ME AND-" Karkat slapped a hand over his mouth.

"…Wait, you thought I was joking?" Dave asked, then muttered "I really need to learn how to get my feelings across."

"You're kidding, right?" Karkat asked after a minute of awkward silence.

"No. Why would I be?"

"Just asking before I make a fool of myself." Karkat said, dragging Dave into the room. He closed the door (the trolls on this meteor didn't seem to know the meaning of privacy) and kissed Dave.

**-JohnKat-**

It was Valentine's day, and Karkat was completely set to make a fool out of himself. Flowers? Check. Ridiculous pickup line? Check. Time to ruin a friendship.

He knocked on John's door, and almost wished that nobody answered. Going against his wishes, John answered the door, and seemed vaguely surprised to see the troll. Holding out the flowers, Karkat started the conversation with a "If you looked up dictionary in the cute-" He stopped, mentally going across the well-rehearsed line again "If you pictured the cute in dictionary-" he blushed, realizing this wouldn't be easy. "If cute-" John snorted softly. "If you cuted the look up- UGH. YOU ARE FUCKING ADORABLE. LOVE ME." He thrust the flowers into John's chest and then waited for rejection.

"Thanks for the flowers!" John said. "I honestly can't say that I haven't had the gayest crush on you since forever."

Both of them walked into John's house to have a marathon of various british TV shows, not noticing the note on the wall that said

'SON. BE A MAN. KISS THE TROLL.'

**-TereziVriska-**

GC: 1VE B33N WOND3R1NG

GC: DO YOUR L1PS T4ST3 4S GOOD 4S TH3Y LOOK?

AG: Terezi

AG: Are you drunk?

GC: 1M NOT DRUNK, 1M JUST 1NTOX1C4T3D BY YOU

AG: You are sooooooo drunk.

AG: Didn't I tell you not to accept Rose's drinks?

GC: YOU C4N'T T3LL M3 WH4T TO DO

AG: I'd come to get you, 8ut I'm comforta8le.

AG: Anyway, aren't you going to flirt with me more?

AG: It's amusing.

GC: W41T, 1 H4V3 4 F3W WR1TT3N DOWN SOM3WH3R3

GC: L3TS COMM1T TH3 P3RF3CT CR1IME

GC: 1LL ST34L YOUR H34RT, 4ND YOU ST34L M1N3

AG: I'm swooning over here.

GC: YOUR H4ND LOOKS H34VY. L3T M3 HOLD 1T FOR YOU

GC: 1M 4 TH31F, 4ND 1M H3R3 TO ST34L YOUR H34RT

AG: I am so stealing that from you.

GC: C4N 1 BORROW 4 K1SS? 1 PROMI1S3 1LL G1V3 1T B4CK

AG: Go the fuck to sleep.


End file.
